Monday, August 24, 2009

How Much is Too Much??? No Affection in Public!!!

Showing affection and love in Public is taboo, that’s what many people believe, in our society it’s considered criminal. If a couple on Clifton beach in Karachi, tries to smooch, get close, hold hands, sit next to each other and see in the eyes, they may be inviting the risk of public and police harassment. Police may intervene and end up asking for Nikahnama ‘Marriage Certificate’!!!
Such a sad society we live in , one can not show his or her affection, smallest bit of love, just holding hands makes people raise their eyebrows.

I fail to understand, how much is too much. Other day I had interesting discussion, few friends lament that they, at times feel like holding their loved one’s ‘wife or girl friend’ hand in public but everyone raises their eyebrows. My friends support public display of affection saying “Life is all about love, affection and small gesture makes a big difference”.

On the other hand, there are people who believe that seriously, what is cool about displaying affection in public? Is it not supposed to be something private and intimate? Why do some couples insist on sharing it with the entire world? One may agree that public display of affection starts with, a mother, holding her son and ending with two people making out. Most of the people still think about display in sexual way. Let me ask a question, what is wrong in holding hands for a while, a hug or a quick kiss and it depends how much is too much.

Very interesting discussion, I never knew, my married Pakistani friends miss so much displaying their affection to their wives or loved ones in public. They envy whenever they travel abroad.

I guess cultural norms and values are not infinite, it is time to re-look and get comfortable with nature.

We are humans, there should not be any harm in taking every chance to mean a little more to a person we love.


Anonymous said...

begharat aur besharm......another pseudomodern muslim.if u want to hug ur wife/girlfrind why not make love to her in public as that is also expression of love

Imran Baloch said...

Well, thanks for starting the feedback with the words (begharat aur besharm), I will not comment in the same tone, if I do so then there won’t be any difference between an enlightened and an uncivilized person who lacks basic manners.

Let me explain what is pseudo modern, I guess being an uncivilized and illiterate person, as your feedback gives me impression, I am sure you don’t know the meaning of MODERN.

Modern does not mean to be westernized, wearing jeans, drinking, listening to pop music rather Modern refers to an era ‘a historical timeframe’ that started approximately in the 1500 AD. A modern era person is the by product of the age of reason and age of enlightenment which lead to innovative comfortable world, which is called MODERN.

Before modern, the era was known as DARK AGES; people never used to question, never apply reasoning and were charged with irrational emotional uncivilized attitude. The way you responded it was the hallmark of dark ages, so modern time has started yet people like you rely on irrational dark age sort of attitude.

You tell me, who pseudo-modern ……living in modern era with medieval thoughts.

Think about it; thank you for visiting and taking your time to comment.

Have good day.

Liz said...

As an American trust me, we hardly make love in public. How can you compare hand holding and gentle pecks to public nudity? This is why in sexually restricted cultures, the little boys bear the brunt of the repression in the form of abuse.

Medieval is right, Imran. And don't forget barbaric.

Simply Human said...

MR/Ms Anonymous,
If you cannot handle an expression of thought or speech, you should simply not respond to it. A true Muslim should following the path that prophet Muhammad (SAW) left for us. Here is what Prophet (SAW) said:
"One, who betrays, harms, or deceives a Muslim, is not of us." Are you following that in any shape or form?? Then he (SAW) describes the ideal Muslim as thus: "A Muslim is one from whose hand and tongue people are safe. You just verbally abused Imran for writing a piece for open debate…he meant no harm to anyone, he simply open a debate and it’s all scientific. Tolerance is a benchmark of our religion, and it is also a benchmark of simply being a human. Why can’t we or don’t we learn to tolerate others and their views?? Why can’t we coexist as human with differences?? Is that too much to ask for?? Why do we have to act as hypocrites by incorporating all the luxuries that modernity offers and then abuse others who purely raise a point for debate and discussion. This kind of intolerant attitude in my opinion utterly lacks education. And my dear education is not a mere piece of paper that one obtain from an education institution; rather education is enlightenment and having a broad world view…shining among others who are different than you are and live with them as one. One doesn’t have to change and be one like them, but allow them the right to live the life styles that they choose fit without harming them. Prophet Muhammad (SAW) further asserts, “A believer is one from whom people know that their wealth and lives are safe." Do we posses the attributes that our beloved Prophet (SAW) inscribed for us…if not, we got work to do…we have to do our self evaluation “Islah” before its too late. Jazak Allah Khairan. Salam Alikum!

Imran Baloch said...

**Liz, you are so right....i should use BARBARIC. It is simply a sexually restricted culture.

**Simple Human, i hope Abusive Anonymous would listen to your words and think before abusing someone.

Na war o gadag reech said...

Public Display of Affection-How much is too much
Posted by Nimmy on January 22, 2009

Toady, I read an elaborate article and slideshow on Obamas PDA(public Disply of Affection)..Oh well,honestly speaking,I felt so good and happy for them as a wife and husband..The joy,the love,its all visible in their eyes when they look into each others eyes..The way they seem to listen to each other,the way they danced..I just loved it.One cannot fake such emotions on every occasion,so to me,they truly seem to be in love with each other..Good luck to Obamas and me…

This made me think on how much or to which extent in PDA acceptable in India..Lol,I just knew that PDA is banned or unacceptable in India,by the Supreme court of Justice.Well,this is a two year old news and it is my problem that I didn’t read it and hence reacting late..Please bear with me .

So what is wrong with displaying one’s love towards the partner.If you don’t like it,just don’t look at it,isn’t it as simple as that..??I am not talking about those high volatge acts like french kissing and stuff on streets..No sane person would do that.Apart from that,what is wrong in holding hands,or small small hugs doesn’t do any harm,do they?I know that I sound dumb by sayign this because ‘right’ is subjective and people are always keen to push forward the ‘limits’..But we are being too rigid by looking down at people who just hold hands and walk or maybe give a sponatenous kiss or hug..Afterall,it all happens just like that and we can’t just blame them for it.

In my class,we had a few ‘couples’ who were deeeeply in love(interstingly,they all married somebody else later in life…aggrrrh) ..For every break we had,these three sets would come on to behind the last row of benches and would start these acts of PDA..Sorry guys,no offence meant,but it was all disguting ..I never(read not often) stared at them to avoid myself getting embarassed,but few times I saw them putting hands into each others dress,the girl playing with guy’s shirts buttons,the guy playing with her hair,hell it was all embarrassing that we all girls would not dare to sit inside the classroom during lunch break.Since I was a chota neta then,all girls asked me to talk to these couples and ask them to keep limits as their acts were gaining popularity within the college and thereby making our class famous(read infamous) It was the most embarassing moment of my life when I asked them(all of them my best friends) to ‘Pls take care because we few fellow beings are sitting here..’..ROFL I can’t believe now that I did this.Nevermind,my point is,the problem with their PDA was that they didn’t know how and where to keep limits and hence their acts of love or care became disgusting in our eyes..

Of course it is not a personal business and hence the name public display of affection.Neverthless,I would have felt great for them if they had just held hands or have an occassional hug or like stuff..But acting like a wife and husband as in a bedroom,doing it in classroom because of lack of space in not at all acceptable.To those who would complain ,I used to tell that ‘They are in love,so it doesn’t matter’..But how real and how practical was my answer ..I have doubts now.What do you think on ‘How much is too much’??

Good day to all..

Imran Baloch said...

No War Ogadag Reech....

Thanks for sharing interesting write up....


h0nee said...

well .. the article is very well written .. it is indeed a very imp0rtnat issue.
imran but d0nt u think we have alreday passed the stage 0f still asking whether it sh0uld be all0wd 0r n0t ? these days .. we c0me acr0ss many such incidents 0f so called affceti0n display in 0ur every day life ..
we aare after all .. Islamic republic 0f pakisatn and i m 0f the 0pinion that there sh0uld b a lil differnce btw islamic states and others.
h0wever, i als0 think that ppl pr0 public display 0f affecti0n sh0ould have a vivid understanding 0f "h0w much is t00 much " as well.
a few days back .. i went t0 KFC t0 grab aquick lucnh wth my frnds ..
and there i saw a c0uple diplaying far bey0nd decent public affecti0n ..
if 0ne desires t0 display affecti0n .. i see n0 harm .. if its d0ne with ,inc0nsideration 0f the norms and values 0f the s0ciety .