Pakistani Diplomat; Your Name is VULGAR!!!

Pakistani diplomat in Saudi Arabia was refused over vulgar name translation. As per news report published in various papers, a Pakistani diplomat Akbar Zeb will not become next Pakistani Ambassador in Saudi Arabia. Report says Zeb’s credentials seem in order; he is the former ambassador to the United States, India and South Africa. He also held the position of High Commissioner designate to Canada. Lately he was nominated to be ambassador in Saudi, when his name was translated into Arabic, Akbar Zeb means “Biggest Dick”. News report emphasizes that Saudis stress a lot on modesty, particularly in public, they could not stand such a name. Media further reports that “in hopes of minimizing the use of the word in public, Saudi Arabia has refused to accredit Mr. Zeb for the position”. For me it is hard to imagine that name could be such a big problem on this level. If this is the case then I wonder how come they allowed DICK Cheney, what about various Pakistanis with surname BUTT. There could be many other words may have different meaning in other languages. I simply fail to understand, what is in a name????

Hmmmm, Golf is Real Sexy Game!!!

Golf always reminds me of one sentence “men and rats always find new holes”. When it comes to golf, it is all about holes, poles, wet, grass/bush, sticks and balls. Lately my cute friends dragged me into golf, for a moment I felt as if to me golf was an arranged marriage, when I got into it, LOVE HAPPENED!! Tiger woods reminds us of the best golf one could ever imagine, he was lately caught his pants down. So far, around 13 women revealed that they slept with Mr. Woods; no wonder 13 reminds us of 18 holes in golf. I am sure Mr. Wood must have been passionate about the game; poor guy, his brain is programmed to think about holes. At times I get scared because too much focus on different holes is not good for healthy relationship. For men, holes make golf sexy but for women it gets sexier because of the sticks and balls. Many women hate men esp. those men who are categorized as PIGS, while hitting balls women get pleasure to take out their anger. Few of my friends have gone to a level where they believe that golf is far better than sex because it is perfectly respectable to golf with a total stranger. If you are having trouble with golf, it is perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to show you how to improve your technique. Your golf partner won't keep asking questions about other partners you've golfed with. If your regular golf partner isn't available, he/she won't object if you golf with someone else. Nobody will ever tell you that you will go blind if you golf by yourself. There is no such thing as a "golf transmitted disease." Nobody expects you to give up golfing if your partner loses interest in the game. Your golf partner will never say, "What ? We just golfed last week ! Is that all you ever think about ?". When you see a really good golfer, you don't have to feel guilty about imagining the two of you golfing together Another interesting aspect of golf is even if the course is wet and bushy one can still play :p Lately I got to know that in golf, foursome is encouraged and another interesting aspect is you don’t have to cuddle with your partner when you are finished. Even if your equipment gets old and rusty, you can replace it. Isn’t it real sexy game??? :p

Condoms for Climate Change!!

Copenhagen environment summit is the future of planet earth, rich countries raising their pledge on tackling climate change, reducing greenhouse emission by 25-45%. On the one side people are calling it a landmark summit on the other hand environmental activist are out there demanding more action from rich countries. This time an interesting idea discussed, it is not all about CO2 emission rather its about condoms for climate change!! Interesting reports says "As the growth of population, economies and consumption outpaces the Earth's capacity to adjust, climate change could become much more extreme and conceivably catastrophic”.The world's population will likely rise from the current 6.7 billion to 9.2 billion in 2050, with most of the growth in less developed regions, according to a 2006 report by the United Nations.The U.N. Population Fund acknowledged it had no proof of the effect that population control would have on climate change. "The linkages between population and climate change are in most cases complex and indirect," the report said.

Ironically poor countries are on the forefront when it comes to producing babies, I guess strong message is for Pakistani’s to use condom and help environment.

Come on help save environment !!

PIA’s in-flight Etiquettes and Manners Lecture!!!

It was six thirty I was inside PIAs flight heading from Lahore to Karachi. After tiring trip I thought of a good read and then go for nap. As usual airhostess continues with announcement, its routine and no one pays attention. Well, after a while, again a series of announcement continued, this time it simply made me attentive, it was an in flight etiquettes and manner lecture in the sky. I have been through one of the most boring flights of JAL from Tokyo to Osaka and one of the most interesting Delta flight North Carolina to Utah. PIA flight was weird, announcement sort of surprised me, it goes on; We request all passengers to use toilet properly, make sure It doesn’t choke, please avoid throwing spoons, knives, glass, plates, tissue paper, sanitary napkin. Please make sure you open the camode lid and remove tissue, when you are done, make sure you clean it. Do not throw water and offer ablution “Wadu for prayer”, this would flood the toilet. Flight is non smoking; please do not smoke in toilet. Do not throw tissue or water while seated. After the detailed lecture, for a while I thought as if I am taking flight from a jungle somewhere in Africa, Amazon or remote aborigines village in Australia, one may wonder, only a tribal or the most backward society living in medieval age may require above code of basic manners. Later I realized, well, we as a nation may have modern attire, money to fly but still lack very basic manners. When one sees a well dressed guy with expensive vehicle, it is not surprising if that person lacks the basic road behaviors. On the one hand I got backwardness and civilizational reality check, on the other hand I started thinking about etiquettes and manners police in Japan. Japanese nation is already polite, yet wants to make sure it is enforced so that they would be able to sustain unique socio-cultural value of courteousness. I am afraid, nations learn and move on but we on the other hand are in the regressive mode, when it comes to basic etiquettes. I guess 60 years are enough to have basic civic etiquettes and manners !!!!

Bye Bye Bush; Cheeky Ad Campaign :-)

I always like cheeky advertisements, Polygamy Porter is one of them I lately wrote about, in Pakistan, Nandos always comes up with creative text such as Zardari & Palin incident.

Lately I came across a BYE BYE BUSH adv Campaign by a Singaporean Wax Salon, its name is STRIP. What I like about the campaign, it is the best one can take advantage of current affairs with a play on words in an ad campaign such as;

Farewell Bush Bye Bye Bush Boy Are We Glad to See Bush Go No More Bush Life Will be Better Without Bush

Very very funny, STRIP Brazilian wax salon has always been cheeky, fun and forward…I love to see more liberal cheeky advertisements, which may not meant to insult any politician or country but to make people laugh.

Polygamy Porter “Why Have Just One” & Funny Delta Air

My International Visitors Program trip to US has been the most memorable, few of the funny experiences, I will never forget. Delta Air to me had been a boring personality, struggling with economic turmoil, stingy and cost cutting, and no food and even charging for the head phones for boring in flight entertainment. While flying from Charlotte North Carolina to Salt Lake City, it was bumpy and boring long four hour flight. No food was served, boring in flight entertainment, nearly everyone fall asleep. After few hours journey, the fun part started, the funny air hostesses and their announcements, such as “ Please turn off your hair dryers, if you are using” and also there were few front seat available in business class I heard announcement “ there are few seats available for the most beautiful lady traveling in economy class” Flight was bumpy, everyone was scared but announcement made everyone laugh, it says “if you did not like bumpy flight please forget that you are in Delta, rather you are traveling in Airline 9999”. Flight was extremely bumpy and announcement came “please make sure everyone is wearing seatbelt”, attendant further says, “Come on I can not come down in bumpy flight all way to check your seatbelts, please check yourself and the person sitting next to you” I found Delta a funny, friendly and jolly personality, making people laugh. Another interesting thing about Salt Lake City ‘SLC’ Utah was the hilarious Polygamy Porter beer; I was surprised to see SLC is partially a dry state. One can not have more than one beer without ordering food. The other day we went to shopping outlet mall and ended up having dinner at Thai Foon restaurant. I ordered a funny beer its called POLYGAMY PORTER with tag line “Why Just Have One!” It actually refers to Mormon culture, having two wives used to be part of life ‘law doesn’t allow today’.

The Polygamy Porter was tasty. It is only 4% alcohol so it would take the whole 6 pack to get any serious buzz.

The main label proclaims “Why Have Just One?”. Across the neck label it says “Bring some home for the wives” and in small print they claim their motto has always been “We drink our share and sell the rest”.

I also found few t shirts with tagline “ I can share my men but not my beer”. Wasatch Beer ‘that produces Polygamy Porter’ has long satirized the Mormon (Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) culture with its advertising. Previous Reagan billboards for Wasatch featured the buxom blond namesake for St. Provo Girl Pilsner and catchphrases “Baptize your taste buds,” “Serving the local faithful” and “Oh, my heck.”

Polygamy porter is one of the most hilarious products I have ever come across.

Wars are Now Won on the Basis of Regular Supplies of Viagra

Imagine a pack of blue pill doing the wonders for war mongers, isn’t it an awesome tool, a tactical weapon to ensure war victory. I am sure sun tzu along with Machiavelli would laugh, shy and feel amazed to hear about the tricks of trade of modern warfare used during the period of Mr. BUSH. Come on guys I am not joking, when one of my fellows shared the story, published in Washington Post “Little Blue Pills Among the Ways CIA Wins Friends in Afghanistan” I thought It might be a joke or funny read, but it was damn serious story.

Report says “The Afghan chieftain looked older than his 60-odd years, and his bearded face bore the creases of a man burdened with duties as tribal patriarch and husband to four younger women. His visitor, a CIA officer, saw an opportunity, and reached into his bag for a small gift. Four blue pills. Viagra.

"Take one of these. You'll love it," the officer said. Compliments of Uncle Sam

The enticement worked. The officer, who described the encounter, returned four days later to an enthusiastic reception. The grinning chief offered up a bonanza of information about Taliban movements and supply routes -- followed by a request for more pills.

I lament, these stupid oldies are selling prime information in exchange of one pack of Viagra, simply absurd.

I am sure Hakeem Sahib ‘using traditional herbal stuff to revitalize the sexual energy’ would be in demand in Pakistan; Pakistani agencies could ask them to come up with Desi NUSKHA to win over the war lords and Taliban in FATA.

Come on guys if it works for Americans in Afghanistan, cant this do wonders in our wild mountains’ give it a thought.

These oldies may find Viagra, an Ego Booster, Chill Pill.

Here Comes ‘Bra Bandit’ OMG….Karachites Forget About Street Crimes

Here comes interesting news regarding the Bra Bandit, a gang of bra buglers…I never knew how valuable accessories could be…we Karachites are just sick of street crimes…

News reports say, “There’s a bra bandit on the loose in southwest Florida. The Lee County Sheriff’s Office was searching for an individual they say stole 160 bras valued at nearly $6,000 on Thursday from a Victoria Secret store, the latest in a string of bra burglaries in the area. Since February, authorities say 452 bras valued at nearly $19,000 have been stolen from two of the chain’s southwest Florida locations. Six different bra thefts at the stores have been reported during that time. Investigators said a female customer walked into the store Thursday and immediately went to a four-drawer cabinet with new bras of the Pink brand name. The store manager told deputies the woman waited until employees were busy helping customers and then thrust the bras into a bag and exited the store”.

Women burglars are doing wonders, creative though…..USD 19,000 means Rs 1.5 million….wow, hefty sum to party around….Keep it up babes.

Hey girls beware of women burglars, they won’t mug you and forcefully grab your cell phone ….but rather: P ;-)

What ???? Odourless Underpants ! Gr8 Service to Humanity ;-)

I was scanning today's Daily Times, was surprised to see the news title "Odourless Underpants" Subtle Butt, a disposable gas neutralizer has all the answers..........

News report says "A US company has performed a great service to humanity by inventing an underwear fabric that absorbs all smells. The material is inserted into a pair of pants with two self-adhesive strips and traps any pongs or whiffs.

The ‘gas neutralisers’ are made from carbon fabric that has undergone activated carbon anti-microbial treatment. Called Subtle Butt, they sell in five-packs for about £5. They were invented by a company called Garment Guard which already sells disposable cotton underarm inserts which absorb perspiration to prevent embarrassing wet marks.

The company blurb says: From the brilliant minds at Garment Guard comes our newest product, Subtle Butt. This pack of 5 saving graces effectively filters the odour caused by flatulence. Simply stick it in the right place and you’re ready for a chilli cook-off.

However, the fabric, called Subtle Butt, does not silence noises - so does not signal the end of embarrassing flatulence :P

Sexy Sarah Palin & SMART Zardari

I was surprised to see Zardari showing his skills in US, calling GOP vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin gorgeous…. was very smart move….guess he has learned the tricks of the trade…seems sharp.

It seems US is interested in Zardari (democratic govt, why shouldn’t they be?) , they are pledging over USD 14 bill through friends of Pakistan summit and Bush also spent over 35 minute lone discussion with Zardari.

Important part of discussion was the role of Pakistan army and ISI reforms.

I am sure future course of politics will be dominated by new course of war on terror and US direction. Zardari’s calling Karzai over his oath taking ceremony and his speech was directed towards international forces and welcomed by the world that matters.

To me it seems Zardari is going to stay at the lime light and our middle class fellow in Karachi and Lahore will remain busy in sharing emails and sms jokes about Zardari. Have busy time dudes :P

This part is funny and awesome, “during his visits, a handler from Zardari's entourage then told the two politicians to keep shaking hands for the cameras. "If he's insisting, I might hug," Zardari said. Palin smiled politely in response.”

US election is around but it seems Sexist treatment of Palin is not stopping, lets see what comes next for Palin.

Lastly let me add here, some one rightly said (I must say, Zardari has better taste than the previous Prime Minister.Shaukat Aziz went for Condoleeza Rice:P)

My Darling, My Lover, My Beautiful Wife

Interesting one , i just came across following; WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKED FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, BUT THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE: This is the winner My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife: Marrying you screwed up my life. I see your face when I am dreaming. That's why I always wake up screaming. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot; This describes everything you are not. I thought that I could love no other -- that is until I met your brother. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you. But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head. I want to feel your sweet embrace; But don't take that paper bag off your face. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes -- Damn, I'm good at telling lies! My love, you take my breath away. What have you stepped in to smell this way? My feelings for you no words can tell, Except for maybe 'Go to hell.' What inspired this amorous rhyme? Two parts tequila, one part lime.

Mullah with iPhone in GQ

GQ Magazine is one of the time pass, esp. if someone is waiting somewhere. Pleasure skimming though trendy pictures, at times good read as well. Today, I felt lazy at Gym, didn’t do much gym rather spent time in the SPA. GQ is the best companion in sauna or Jacuzzi area of my gym.

I loved reading an interesting article, it is about the MULLAH and iPhone …wow, it is very interesting, the gadget freak corrupt mullahs driving SUVs.

Here is an exciting read;

“The attacks on the CD shops, the DVD shops—that’s not the Taliban. They are not local people. Taliban means ‘students.’ Look all around you. All these people you see, they are the Taliban.”

His cell phone rings, and from between the folds of the blanket he wears wrapped against the cold appears an iPhone. Which I didn’t even know you could buy in Pakistan. He shows me some pictures of his kids, doing that pinching motion you see on the iPhone commercials. When I told the local bureau chief for Talat’s channel that I was coming to visit the maulana, he said, “I like him. He’s one of the good political mullahs. Because he’s corrupt. Much easier to deal with!” He came into power a modest man, but now he owns a shopping center and drives a new Toyota four-by-four. This is maybe why support for the so-called political mullahs is disappearing.”

In ideological state of Pakistan, It is worth being Mullah, wearing a social mask, using iPhone, driving SUV Jeep and loads of corruption money. Thanks to religious political MULLAH MILITARY ALLIANCE. At times it reminds me of European dark ages.
I wonder what mullah does with iPhone,

Hey Japanese Speed Up Bathing to Save Energy & Mass Bath in Lahore Canal

Speedier family baths could help Japanese cut their burgeoning energy consumption and reduce greenhouse gas emissions.

Japanese households consume less energy than their US and European counterparts, but consumption has been sharply increasing.

Families should not only shorten their daily showers by a minute — a common recommendation in the West — but should try to take baths in quick succession,.

I was just wondering in Pakistani context, we do not have energy, what to save…no energy means no water….it means on average low per day per person bathing rate….wow….thanks to our government load shedding leading to energy saving and no water leads to water saving….

In Lahore, people along with buffaloes take mass bath in canal......we as a nation conserve water and energy.

How creative we are !

Physical World is Boring ???

These days Internet and cyber space is taking most of the time of our available 24 hours.

People are hooked, be it study, socializing to entertainment. It is the cyberspace that moves things fast, easy and accessible.

I Phone, with its wonderful communication to entertainment related features is the talk of the town, let us see what comes next.

Technological things are changing at mind boggling speed, it makes us confused when to buy what!

For techno guide i can always refer to my LUMS friend Mohsin, he sits in front of worth USD 1.5 million IT equipment, wears Armani shirt, Boss jeans and Windsor Smith shoes......always lost in cyber space......with his Australian accent :P

What.....FART TAX !!!!!! Ohhh Plzzzzzzzz

I am surprised to read that Estonian authorities have slapped a flatulence tax on farmers to compensate the country for the methane gas produced by cows.

Farmers this week received their first ‘fart tax’ demands asking them to pay for the greenhouse gases their cattle produce. A single cow is thought to produce on average 350 litres of methane and 1,500 litres of carbon dioxide per day from flatulence and burping. It is thought that cattle are responsible for up to 25 per cent of methane gas emissions in Estonia.

Pakistan is suffering from energy crisis....i wonder instead of fart tax, if someone creats a mechanism to collect estonian methane and bring it to Pakistan so we Karachiites could get rid of energy crisis :p

Internationally it costs USD 7 dollars MMBTU to purchase Methane.........ufff i am sad...so much loss......lets us see what FART TAX would do for Estonia..... ;-)

Imran Plzz Do Not Commit Suicide

Ufff it has been few weeks i have been getting messages from friends that Plzzzz Imran whatever happens with LUMS grades...plzzzzzzz "do not commit suicide"...my friends are willing to accept me as friend even with whatever grades :-)

LUMS has become notorious for grilling and it requires charged up vigor to compete......

This blog post is for my friends......rest be assured you guys are my strenghtes, whatever comes on my way, i know you guys will stand next to me to support ;-)

On serious note, it is need of the hour to look back and see the flaws in system and it requires alot of thought provoking inputs and consideration to diverse view points so that we could have benign learning.

Dare to FART & LUMS Class Participation CP

Some suggestions for all of us;-) heheh

A French doctor is urging his countrymen to take a more relaxed view to bodily functions for the good of their health.Frédéric Saldmann says they should give free rein to farting, burping and sweating to reduce the risk of cancer.In his book, Le Grand Ménage, Dr Saldmann invites them to embrace the stereotypical British view of the French.

The French, he says, should ‘dare to fart’. Getting rid of the two litres of gas produced each day is a ‘natural process’ and retaining it can be harmful to the intestines.

At LUMS big chunk of performance point rest with class participation CP...few of my fellows always hold their thoughts and other just impatiently release it....i love to see few guy marching out of class with HONDA jingle "Mein Tay CP Hee Lay Saaaan" and few sharp ones march with EAGLE jingle " Mein Nay Tay CP Lay Veee Leee" heheheh

Shahi Qila, Mughal Aaraam Gaah, Pamela Anderson & Durex

Last week, i had hectic business trip to Lahore and Faisalabad; in last few days, one of my foreign colleagues also joined the trip. Before departing to Karachi, we had few hours, and thought of exploring the historical Lahore.

A few nights before, we had an opportunity to have dinner at Cuckoos Den located in the Red Light Area of Lahore, it reminded me of the Japanese party area called Roppongi.View of historical Lahore is really awesome from the restaurant rooftop, when I looked around, I found Badshahi mosque, a Sikh Temple and Fort along with the historical red light area.

It made me wonder about fascinating architecture and religious harmony.

My colleague cum friend was truly infatuated with Lahore; however, I have already fallen in love with the city. She was amazed to see the infrastructure change in few years, it was different city altogether, her last visit was six years ago. I explained her that it is because of unfair fiscal revenue disbursement formula on the basis of population; most of the revenue generated by Karachi and resources utilized in Balochistan goes to the populated province of Punjab. Thanks to Karachi tax payers money, the beautification of Lahore was made possible….hmmm am not brining the provincial biases here, am i????

Our visit to old Lahore was fun; we were fascinated to see the fort, imagining the 17th century life. Visit truly took us back to the old Mughal movies, Akbar, Shahjahan, Anar Kali, Nezza, Teer Kaman, Hathi, Harem, Dewan E Khas o Aam, Shesh Mahal etc.

Rich tradition of Mughal architecture always fascinate me, but during the visit I felt deep down sadness, because such a historical asset (Sheesh Mahal, Alamgiri Gate, Naulakha pavilion, and Moti Masjid) are neglected, even a small Senso Ji Temple in Japan attracts thousands of people and adds to revenue. Historical painting or murals along with precious gems are in shabby condition, stupid people sleeping all around, and a billion dollar asset simply turned into a garbage yard.

My friend convinced me that it is the mindset on the top that does not understand the worth, however these same people in Dubai, follow the rules.

Our depressing visit was turned funny, when our tour guide took us to many many bedrooms AARAM Gah/Khawabgah of Emperor Jahangir. We started thinking that dude used to sleep all around, he built nothing but many many bedrooms. Of course, to sleep with many wives and kaneez, I guess he was working hard to increase the mughal generation. These guys were oversexed, hobby was to build houses, eat, sleep and have sex.

There was a Lady Fort Wing, only women were allowed, but emperor had a bedroom, with an awesome view of lady Jacuzzi (Hammam)…

We were fused with one week business talks, we started thinking from the business perspective, we wondered if durex condom manufactures were present during that era….say if factory was located where present day Menar E Pakistan is built….i guess they could have generated a lot of business and For LUMS MBAs dream job could have been “Marketing Manager” Viagra Division. Oh God, company could have generated a lot of revenue and of course employees would also have enjoyed 100s of annul bonuses heheh.

I also thought of Pamela Anderson, if she were born in walled city of Lahore, she could have been one of the most famous Kaneez “fort female workers”. When we saw stairs going to the basement, there was no support or safety railing, I read that emperor used to ask kaneez to stand on stair steps on the both side and he used to hold the Bo**s to come out of basement bedrooms. Pamela could have been the best Kaneez, emperor could have got the best grab and awesome sensual support. Hehehe.