Love Sucks!!! Guys are Asses!!!!

It has been a while I haven’t written anything on relationship & most of the guys even at times my female readers do not like my men bashing !!! Lately I came across an interesting article written by a LUMS student Mahreen Rehman, guys you may disagree or get offended but she has raised an interesting issue.

Missed your ex on valentines day? The deliciously red roses, scrumptious chocolates ‘with love in every bite’? screw you! the truth is, guys are asses! No, literally! You take away the short stubby legs, the poo slobbered tail and add some human limbs and what do you get? VOILA! A guy! Don’t believe me? Let’s do an analysis. Donkeys have fur, guy’s have fur (some girls do too but that’s irrelevant here.). donkeys stink, guys stink. Donkeys are dumb, guys are DUMBER! “oh, sorry was I supposed to call you?”, “am I 3 hours late? was with my boys.” And the list goes on n on.

 I guess what I’m trying to establish here is that we, the superior female species, should know better than to fall for dirty,stinky,hairy animals who think its allright to fart anywhere and everywhere they go. Now, you may disagree with me here and argue that your boyfriend or the guys you know are completely different. DO NOT BE FOOLED, naïve one. It’s all an act. They may outwardly seem gentlemanly but it is innately embedded in their hard drives to be obnoxious, perverted scum. They look at females like they’re pieces of meat, the more scantily dressed, the tastier and the more team testosterone kicks in. these cave men live by a certain code. They will never, EVER sacrifice their way of life for you so do not believe for one second when a guy looks into your eye and tells you he loves you. he’s probably checking out another girl’s reflection in ur glasses or pupils or whatever. The point is, guys are incapable of having deep emotions for a member of the opposite sex. Rule number one of the “stupid code of idiot guy life” is

Bros before hoes. Isn’t it weird how guys do not talk to each other on the phone for more than 10 minutes but once they meet up, their brains become reprogrammed and develop alzheimer’ic tendencies that cause them to forget that they have a girlfriend who is waiting up for them to get done with whatever it is that guys do when they get together. If, by any miracle a guy DOES remember that he is partially committed (in his view) to a girl and mentions this to his ‘bro’s’, they will either (a) discuss the geometry of her curves, (b) plan something in order to meet her friends and thus have access to more ‘meat’ or (c) make fun of how his girlfriend has him bound under ball and chain (even if the poor girl does not,) to such an extent that they will brainwash him into believing that he is being controlled by his (poor) girlfriend and when he does go back to her, he will most probably fight with and tell her that he has to put his foot down and that he needs more guy time with his friends and that he does not care about whatever she feels or has to say about it.

Secondly, WHAT is with this stupid football craze? You want to play the sport, fine by me. Go with your boys, play, have fun , COME BACK in a couple of hours. DON’T TAKE ALL BLOODY DAY! But what is with this stupid obsession of WATCHING football? Somebody please explain to me the thrill of having your eyes glued to the little ball on screen, following its every motion till you have a twisted neck for 2 hours and then the score is 0-0 ? this football match is then followed by pizza and ofcourse, a competition about who can eat the most pieces without puking FOLLOWED by another competition about who can burp the loudest followed by a public flatulence competition. They think it’s fun and funny and even congratulate each other for it . I mean…seriously? This is the species we want to marry? I’m not suggesting that we all become homosexuals. I am merely pointing out the fact that guys and relationships are over rated and Red Goodbye says it perfectly: “now that I’ve loved and now that I’ve lost, what I feel inside says Shakespeare lied”.

Okay so I might have gone a little over board in criticizing the male species. That wasn’t my intention when I started writing this article but I’m guessing the bitterness took over. The point I initially intended to make was that love is over rated. You get nothing out of it but heart ache and maybe a few stupid gifts and some memories that haunt you forever and ever and eat at your insides like maggots feasting on a dead corpse. Don’t fall for a guy who promises you the moon and the stars and the heavens and the earth and everything in between. You will only end up weeping you r eyes out and look horrible the next day. No amount of concealor and hashmi kajol will have you looking normal. Here’s how it starts, he says he adores you and asks you out. Flattered, you accept. You and your girls spend hours giggling over it on the phone and plan your outfit and everything else down to the minutest detail. He shows up before time and you have the most awesome date ever…roses, expensive restaurant and a guy who’s lost in your eyes…legen..DARY! (courtesy Barney Stinson). He drops you back, nothing can sweep the smile off your face for the next couple of days. He calls you all the time and texts you like crazy. He convinces you that he totally loves you till one day..SNAP! he starts calling you less frequently, doesn’t remember any of the stories you tell him, starts spending more and more time with “thE boys”, and when you confront him, you get the famous “it’s not you, it’s me routine”, in other words, “I’m bored baby, I need a newer version with more features*’ AHEM. So he goes off with his friends to ‘heal’ which lasts till ..hmm…let’s see, 2 mins, and your entire life is snatched away from you, leaving you drowning in your own tears. In the wise words of bart simpson, “ I never thought it was humanly possible, but this both sucks and blows”.

To conclude, Mahreen has raised an interesting question but I want to share guys response; “What about the woman's tendencies of being overly clingy, whiny, etc? Can you blame men for craving some space? Why does women's life REVOLVE around that expected phone call? And why does everything come crashing down when he suddenly forgets? People need space, and trust me; true love is not a slave to punctual phone calls. Or incessant text messages.

Men DO fall in love, passionately and selflessly, just as women claim to. And they DO go out of their way to please women they truly love. It happens, not just in chick-flicks, but in real life too. As much as you believe that it doesn’t.

And author just seem to have attracted with the wrong sort, friend! She should loosen up a little; she should know that every man is not a moron. Just like every girl is not a whore !!